An Alien Heat dateot-1 Read online

  " What you have done you can undo, degenerate soul ," said the time-traveller to the bewildered Lady Charlotina.

  "She's speaking 19th century — one of many dialects," explained Jherek, proud of his knowledge.

  Lady Charlotina inspected the grey-clad woman. "Does she want to make love to me? I suppose I will, if…"

  Jherek shook his head. "No. I think she wants your alien. Or, perhaps, she doesn't want you to have it. I'll speak to her. Just a moment." He turned and smiled at the ancient.

  " Good evening, Fraulein. I parle the yazhak. Nay m-sdi pa ," said Jherek.

  She did not appear to be reassured. But now she stared at him in equal astonishment.

  " The Fraulein this ," said Jherek indicating Lady Charlotina, who listened with mild interest, " is pense que t'a make love to elle ." He was about to continue and point out that he knew that this was not the case when the time-traveller transferred her attention to him altogether and delivered a heavy smack on his cheek. This baffled him. He had no knowledge of the custom or, indeed, how to respond to it.

  "I think," he said to Lady Charlotina regretfully, "that we ought to give her a pill before we go any further."

  " Disgusting! " said the time-traveller again. " I shall seek someone in authority. This must be stopped. I'm beginning to believe I've had the misfortune to find myself in a colony of lunatics! "

  They all watched her stalk away.

  "Isn't she fine," said Jherek. "I wonder if anyone's claimed her. It almost makes me want to start my own menagerie."

  The Duke of Queens lowered himself from the dais and settled beside them. He was dressed in a force-form chastity belt, feather cloak and had a conical hat of shrunken human heads. "I must apologise," he began.

  "The whole thing was superb," said Jherek, all malice forgotten in his delight at meeting the time-traveller. "How did you think of it?"

  "Well," said the Duke of Queens fingering his beard. "Ah…"

  "A wonderful joke, juiciest of Dukes," said Mistress Christia. "We shall be talking about it for days!"

  "Oh?" The Duke of Queens brightened.

  "And you have shown your enormous kindness once again," said Lady Charlotina, pressing her sky blue lips and nose to his cheek, "in giving me the morbid space-traveller for my menagerie. I haven't got a round one."

  "Of course, of course," said the Duke of Queens, his normal ebullience returning, though Jherek thought that the Duke rather regretted making the gift.

  The Lady Charlotina made an adjustment to one of her rings and the stiff body of the little alien floated from the dais and hovered over her head, bobbing slightly, in the manner of a captive balloon.

  Jherek said: "The time-traveller. Is she yours, My Lord Duke?"

  "The grey one who slapped you? No. I've never seen her before. Perhaps a maverick?"

  "Perhaps so." Jherek took off his opera hat and made a sweeping bow to the company. "If you will forgive me, then, I'll see if I can find her. She will add a touch to my present collection which will bring it close to perfection. Farewell."

  "Good-bye, Jherek," said the Duke, almost gratefully. Sympathetically Lady Charlotina and Mistress Christia took each of his arms and led him away while Jherek bowed once more and then struck off in pursuit of his quarry.

  4. Carnelian Conceives a New Affectation

  After an hour of searching, Jherek realised that the grey time-traveller was no longer at the party. Because most of the guests had left, it had not been a difficult search. Disconsolate, he returned to his locomotive and swung aboard, throwing himself upon the long seat of plush and ermine, but hesitating before he pulled the whistle and set the aircar in motion, for he wanted something to happen to him — a compensation for his disappointment.

  Either, he thought, the time-traveller had been returned to the menagerie of whomever it was that owned her, or else she had gone somewhere of her own volition. He hoped that she did not have a time-travelling machine capable of carrying her back to her own age. If she had, then it was likely she was gone forever. He seemed to remember that there was some evidence to suggest that the people of the late 19th century had possessed a crude form of time-travel.

  "Ah, well," he sighed to himself, "if she has gone, she has gone."

  His mother, the Iron Orchid, had left with the Lady Voiceless and Ulianov of the Palms, doubtless to revive memories of times before he had been born. Being naturally gregarious, he felt deserted. There was hardly anyone left whom he knew well or would care to take back with him to his ranch. He wanted the time-traveller. His heart was set on her. She was charming. He fingered his cheek and smiled.

  Peering through one of the observation windows, he saw Mongrove and Werther de Goethe approaching and he stood up to hail them. But both pointedly ignored him and so increased his sense of desolation where normally he would have been amused by the perfection with which they played their roles. He slumped, once more, into his cushions, now thoroughly reluctant to return home but with no idea of any alternative. Mistress Christia, always a willing companion, had gone off with the Duke of Queens and My Lady Charlotina. Even Li Pao was nowhere to be seen. He yawned and closed his eyes.

  "Sleeping, my dear?"

  It was Lord Jagged. He stood peering up over the footplate. "Is this the machine you were telling me about. The —?"

  "The locomotive. Oh, Lord Jagged, I am so pleased to see you. I thought you left hours ago."

  "I was diverted." The pale head emerged a fraction further from the yellow collar. "And then deserted." Lord Jagged smiled his familiar, wistful smile. "May I join you?"

  "Of course."

  Lord Jagged floated up, a cloud of lemon-coloured down, and sat beside Jherek.

  "So the Duke's display was not a deliberate disaster?" said Lord Jagged. "But we all pretended that it was."

  Jherek Carnelian drew off his opera hat and flung it from the locomotive. It became a puff of orange smoke which dissipated in the air. He loosened the cord of his cloak. "Yes," he said, "even I managed to compliment him. He was so miserable. But what could have possessed him to think that anyone would be interested in an ordinary little alien? And a mad, prophesying one, at that."

  "You don't think he told the truth, then? The alien?"

  "Oh, yes. I'm sure he spoke the truth. Why shouldn't he? But what is particularly interesting about the truth? Very little, when it comes down to it, as we all know. Look at Li Pao. He is forever telling the truth, too. And what is a truth, anyway? There are so many different kinds."

  "And his message did not disturb you?"

  "His message? No. The lifetime of the universe is finite. That was his message."

  "And we are near the end of that lifetime. He said that." Lord Jagged made a motion with his hand and disrobed himself, stretching his thin, pale body upon the couch.

  "Why are you making so much of this, white Lord Jagged?"

  Lord Jagged laughed. "I am not. I am not. Just conversation. And a touch or two of curiosity. Your mind is so much fresher than mine — than almost anyone's in the world. That is why I ask questions. If it bores you I'll stop."

  "No. The poor little space-traveller was a bore, wasn't he? Wasn't he, Lord Jagged? Or did you find something interesting about him?"

  "Not really. People used to fear death once, you know, and I suppose whatever-his-name-was still fears it. I believe that people used to wish to communicate their fear. To spread it somehow comforted them. I suppose that is his impulse. Well, he shall find plenty to comfort him in My Lady Charlotina's menagerie."

  "Speaking of menageries, did you see a girl time-traveller dressed in rather heavy grey garments, wearing a straw-coloured hat with a wide brim, at the party?"

  "I believe I did."

  "Did you notice where she went? Did you see her leave?"

  "I think Mongrove took a fancy to her and sent her in his aircar to his menagerie before he left with Werther de Goethe."

  "Mongrove! How unfortunate."

  "You wanted
her yourself?"

  "Yes."

  "But you've no menagerie."

  "I have a 19th century collection. She would have suited it perfectly."

  "She's 19th century, then?"

  "Yes."

  "Perhaps Mongrove will give her to you."

  "Mongrove had best not know I want her at all. He would disseminate her or send her back to her own time or give her away rather than think he was contributing to my pleasure. You must know that, Lord Jagged."

  "You couldn't trade something for her? What about the item Mongrove wanted from you so much? The elderly writer — from the same period, wasn't he?"

  "Yes, before I became interested in it. I remember, Ambrose Bierce."

  "The same!"

  "He went up with the others. In the fire. I couldn't be bothered to reconstitute him and now, of course, it's too late."

  "You were never prudent, tender Jherek."

  Jherek's brows knitted. "I must have her, Lord Jagged, I think, in fact, that I shall fall in love with her. Yes! in love ."

  "Oho!" Lord Jagged threw back his head, arching his exquisite neck. "Love! Love! How splendid, Jherek."

  "I will plunge into it. I will encourage the passion until I am as involved in it as Mongrove is involved in his misery."

  "An excellent affectation. It will power your mind. It will make you so ingenious. You will succeed. You will get her away from Mongrove, though it will turn the world upside down! You will entertain us all. You will thrill us. You will hold our attention for months! For years! We shall speculate upon your success or your failure. We shall wonder how far you have really involved yourself in this game. We shall watch to see how your grey time-traveller responds. Will she return your love? Will she spurn it? Will she decide to love Mongrove, the more to complicate your schemes?" Lord Jagged reached over and kissed Jherek heartily upon the lips. "Yes! It must be played out in every small detail. Your friends will help. They will give you tips. They'll consult the literatures of the ages to glean the best of the love stories and you will act them out. Gorgon and Queen Elizabeth. Romeo and Julius Caesar. Windermere and Lady Oscar. Hitler and Mussolini. Fred and Louella. Ojiba and Obija. Sero and Fidsekalak. The list goes on — and on! And on, dear Jherek!"

  Fired by his friend's enthusiasm Jherek stood up and yelled with laughter.

  "I shall be a lover! "

  "A lover!"

  "Nothing shall thwart me!"

  "Nothing!"

  "I shall win my love and live with her in ardent happiness until the very universe grows old and cold."

  "Or whatever our space-travelling friend said would happen. Now that factor should give it an edge." Lord Jagged fingered his linen-coloured nose. "Oh, you'll be doomed, desired, deceived, debunked and delivered!" (Lord Jagged seemed to be fond, tonight, of his d's.) "Demonic, demonstrative, determined, destructive." He was dangerously close to overdoing it. "You'll be destiny's fool, my dear! Your story shall ring down the ages (whatever's left, at any rate). Jherek Carnelian — the most laudable, the most laborious, the most literal, the very last of lovers!" And with a yell he flung his arms around his friend while Jherek Carnelian seized the whistle string and tugged wildly making the locomotive shriek and moan and thrust itself throbbing into the warm, black night.

  "Love!" shouted Jherek.

  "Love," whispered Lord Jagged, kissing him once more.

  "Oh, Jagged!" Jherek gave himself up to his lascivious lord's embrace.

  "She must have a name," said Jagged, rolling over in the eight-poster bed and taking a sip of beer from the bronze barrel he held between the forefinger and thumb of his left hand. "We must find it out." He got up and crossed the corrugated iron floor to brush aside the sheets from the window and peer through. "Is that a sunset or a sunrise? It looks like a sunset."

  "I'm sorry." Jherek opened his eyes and turned one of his rings a fraction of a degree to the right.

  "Much better," said Lord Jagged of Canaria, admiring the golden dawn. "And what are the birds?" He pointed through the window at the black silhouettes circling high above in the sky.

  "Parrots," said Jherek. "They're supposed to eat the branded buffalo."

  "Supposed to?"

  "They won't. And they should be perfect reproductions. I made a mistake somewhere. I really ought to put them back in my gene-bank and start again."

  "What if we paid Mongrove a visit this morning?" Lord Jagged suggested, returning to his original subject.

  "He wouldn't receive me."

  "He would receive me , however. And you will be my companion. I will feign an interest in his menagerie and that way you shall be able to meet again the object of your desire."

  "I'm not sure it's such a good idea now, darling Jagged," said Jherek. "I was carried away last night."

  "Indeed, my love, you were. And why not? How often does it happen? No, Jherek Carnelian, you shall not falter. It will delight so many."

  Jherek laughed. "Lord Jagged, I think there is some other motive involved here — a motive of your own. Would you not rather take my place?"

  "I? I have no interest at all in the period."

  "Aren't you interested in falling in love?"

  "I am interested in your falling in love. You should. It will complete you, Jherek. You were born , do you see? The rest of us came into the world as adults (apart from poor Werther, but that was a somewhat different story) or created ourselves or were created by our friends. But you, Jherek, were born — a baby. And so you must also fall in love. Oh, yes. There is no question of it. In any other one of us it would be silly."

  "I think you have already pointed out that it would be ludicrous in me, too," said Jherek mildly.

  "Love was always ludicrous , Jherek. That's another thing again."

  "Very well," smiled Jherek. "To please you, my lean lord, I will do my best."

  "To please us all. Including yourself, Jherek. Especially yourself, Jherek."

  "I must admit that I might consider…"

  Lord Jagged began, suddenly, to sing.

  The notes trilled and warbled from his throat. A most delightful rush of song and such a complicated melody that Jherek could hardly follow it.

  Jherek glanced thoughtfully and with some irony at his friend.

  It had seemed for a moment that Lord Jagged had deliberately cut Jherek short.

  But why?

  He had only been about to point out that the Lord of Canaria had all the qualities of affection, wit and imagination that might be desired in a lover and that Jherek would willingly fall in love with him rather than some time-traveller whom he did not know at all.

  And, Jherek suspected, Lord Jagged had known that he was about to say this. Would the declaration have been in doubtful taste, perhaps? The point about falling in love with the grey time-traveller was that she would find nothing strange in it. In her age everyone had fallen in love (or, at very least, had been able to deceive themselves that they had, which was much the same thing). Yes, Lord Jagged had acted with great generosity and stopped him from embarrassing himself. It would have been vulgar to have declared his love for Lord Jagged but it was witty to fall in love with the grey time-traveller.

  Not that there was anything wrong with intentional vulgarity. Or even unintentional vulgarity, thought Jherek, in the case, for instance, of the Duke of Queens.

  He recalled the party with horror. "The poor Duke of Queens!"

  "His party was absolutely perfect. Not a thing went right." Lord Jagged left the window and wandered over the bumpy floor. "May I use this for a suit?" He gestured towards a stuffed mammoth which filled one corner of the room.

  "Of course," said Jherek. "I was never quite sure if it was in period, anyway. How clever of you to pick that." He watched with interest as Lord Jagged broke the mammoth down into its component atoms and then, from the hovering cloud of particles, concocted for himself a loose, lilac-coloured robe with the kind of high, stiff collar he often favoured, and huge puffed sleeves from which peeped
the tips of his fingers, and silver slippers with long, pointed toes, and a circlet to contain his long platinum hair; a circlet in the form of a rippling, living 54th century Uranian lizard.

  "How haughty you look!" said Jherek. "A prince of fifty planets!"

  Lord Jagged bowed in acknowledgment of the compliment. "We are the sum of all previous ages, are we not? And as a result there is nothing that marks this age of ours, save that one thing. We are the sum."

  "I had never thought of it." Jherek swung his long legs from the bed and stood up.

  "Nor I, until this moment. But it is true. I can think of nothing else typical. Our technologies, our tricks, our conceits — they all imitate the past. We benefit from everything our ancestors worked to achieve. But we invent nothing of our own — we merely ring a few changes on what already exists."

  "There is nothing left to invent, my lilac lord. The long history of mankind, if it has a purpose at all, has found complete fulfilment in us. We can indulge any fancy. We can choose to be whatever we wish and do whatever we wish. What else is there? We are happy. Even Mongrove is happy in his misery — it is his choice. No one would try to alter it. I am rather at a loss, therefore, to follow where your argument is leading." Jherek sipped from his own beer barrel.

  "There was no argument, my jaunty Jherek. It was an observation I made. That was all."

  "And accurate." Jherek was at a loss to add anything more.

  "Accurate."

  Lord Jagged stood back to admire Jherek, still unclothed for the day.

  "And what will you wear?"

  "I have been considering that very question," Jherek put a finger to his chin. "It must be in keeping with all this — especially since I am to pay court to a lady of the 19th century. But it cannot be the same as yesterday."

  "No," agreed Lord Jagged.

  And then Jherek had it. He was delighted at his own brilliance. "I know! I shall wear exactly the same costume as she wore last night! It will be a compliment she cannot fail to notice."

  "Jherek," crooned Lord Jagged, hugging him, "you are the best of us!"

  5. A Menagerie of Time and Space